A JOYFUL WAY

You’re a survivor because every day you make a choice not to be governed by their harsh words or actions. No one has the right to take away your happiness.

Assunta Harris

One of the consequences of abuse is the loss of joy. You may try to conceal your agony by hiding your anguish from your family and friends. Incidentally, some people will notice that something is not quite right about your relationship or marriage. The family is likely to ask questions, and you have to come up with a cover-up story, however deep down you struggle with acknowledging that the relationship is either dead or crumbling. You are hoping for a change and praying one day the abuse will stop, or one day the women will get married, or the men will get married. In the process of hoping, your abuser is having fun and experiencing pleasure at your expense. It is sad to know your abuser takes pleasure in your pain and suffering; watching your joy fade away slowly is unimaginable from the one you loved and trusted with all your heart. Living a deceptive life, giving a false impression for gullible observers. Joy is the fruit of the spirit. We are called to live a joyful life; unfortunately, abuse is distressing and can diminish the spark and thrill of enjoying your life.

What use is a life absent of joy? To become accustomed to pressure, frustration, humiliation and feeling like your strength is draining. My way to recovery was by observation, observing my abusers. He would smile when I am feeling down and laugh when I cried. It was his way of feeling powerful, claiming he is Lord. I realised it was not worth it; your joy is a gift from God; nobody should play God over your life.

There may be no change, but the way to health and recovery is staying joyful, so maintain it. Live the opposite of what you experienced. Replace the abandonment with learning to cherish yourself, replace anyone walking out on you with support from those who care.

Finally, replace any form of sadness with joy.

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Sophia O

I totally agree. Maintaining a joyful attitude helps one to up always when everything around you wants you to look down!

Lekan olawoye

How so true. Without joy there is no existence, one ceases to live at the level God wants that person to live because joy is missing. That life cannot glow or flourish and affect positively another human life. We are in this world to impact positively one another and we are at our best when we do this. Therefore keep your joy, feed it, cultivate it, grow it and cherish it. Keep smiling no matter what! ????????????

Lade O.

Emotional abuse is such an oppressive thing but sometimes the hardest part is identifying it and calling it what it truly is.... It's not 'being a man', or 'brought on by lack of submission' etc -it is a spirit of oppression working through the abuser to hold another human in bondage to himself under different deceptive guises. True love liberates, builds, esteems as valuable and cherishes. Some common signs of an emotional abuser: 1. Condescending (verbal abuse and otherwise) and demeaning behavior 2. Constantly criticizing and demanding 3. Emotionally withholding and undermining 4. Using negative labels and pathologising other peoples' behavior. 5. Showing little or no compassion and minimizing others feelings while describing themselves as the victims. 6. Discounting the reality of the other or "Gaslighting" - making others feel as if they are crazy (edited from the internet). Now God says to you who has suffered abuse... Isaiah 60: “Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. 2 See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. 3 Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn. 4 “Lift up your eyes and look about you: All assemble and come to you; your sons come from afar, and your daughters are carried on the hip. 5 Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy; the wealth on the seas will be brought to you, to you the riches of the nations will come. Amen.

Christie

Very inspiring and insightful

Debola

Thank you Pastor Anita for this inspiring message. God's word tells us who we are and what we look like. Decisions to overcome abuse are not based on our limitations but on what he promised in his word...

Bethany Davies

My brother once told me that joy is a secret weapon in a believer's arsenal because joy gives strength! I've found it to be so true. Now, I fight really hard to keep my joyful attitude no matter the circumstances. I don't want to be weakened by a loss of joy! The joy of the Lord is my strength!

Precious Shabangu

I was in the very abusive marriage that was 7 years,but I new that my abuse is coming from the hurting background.Me reading this blog am shocked that's my story.Am shocked I can believe that you experience my life no.,How possible can be.This's my journey if am hearing such journey from you am shocked.

E.E

I believe we should love ourselves enough to walk away from anything that causes us pain, hurt and tears. The gifts of God makes rich and adds no sorrow.

nehemiah

may the God you serve be your comfort.may he bring wholeness in all areas of lack.

Success

Powerful food for thought. I rise above every oppression and I choose to live a joyous life.

Titi bamgbose

Thank you Pastor Anita. I have been through this and can relate to it.

peace

We all have a right to be happy, but we have to make spirit guided choices for our journeys. Always be happy in whatever situation you find yourself

Ernest Enabulele

Pastor, thanks for the blog it a lovely piece.

Nkem ndiche-onyejizu

Yes o.no one can take away my happiness. I refuse to give anyone that power. I live a jubilant life irrespective of circumstances. You know, the sweetest revenge is success,joy and happiness on all counts.

Deji

Amen to that

Vanessa

Thanks so much for this exhortation Pastor Anita. I agree. There comes a time when one must realize that you are your own best friend. It's my responsibility to make me happy. It's my responsibility to be full of joy. With joy in our hearts we draw from the well of salvation. Being full of joy is a great way to guard our hearts with all diligence. When we are rejoicing always, what can affect us???

Diana Marcus

Thanks Pastor Anita for the encouraging words.. The lord bless you always.????

Fredies

God Bless You

David

“Sometimes the best way to get over a hurt is to crawl up in your bed at night and write the whole experience in a poetic form. At least that helps to get it out of you. That’s what I did in my case. Enjoy one of it” WHEN SILENCE SPEAKS VOLUMES "I didn’t do it sir!" he said, unfazed as the young man stood before the panel set up and chaired personally by the king to investigate him. His voice was forceful, yet calm and gentle. “I am innocent” he affirmed yet again with much confidence. The king stared intensely at his noble servant in utter disbelief. He had hoped he would break under the pressure to tell ‘the truth’ about the matter he was being accused. The king pressed further by reeling out more facts and evidences that proved his servant’s guilt. Other members of the panel sitting with the king couldn’t also believe how the young man pertinaciously maintained his innocence before the king, the all-powerful ruler of the kingdom, The panel surmised: “It’s very clear that this once faithful and trusted servant has derailed from the right path. He has chosen the path of deceit and infamy; he must be demoted and disciplined” The decision was unanimous! With this judgment, the servant looked around the room in disbelief, his shoulders dropped, every breath echoed with deep sighs and he began to tremble, not out of guilt but in deep sorrow. Looking up, he stared at his accusers with eyes that seemed to pierce into their souls, and thought in his heart, “Who knows the abode of light and as for darkness where is its abode? Who can judge the volume of water in the ocean? Why does this panel act like they know the totality life and the meaning and the purpose of everything? This day I have declared before the king that I am innocent. Why does he require me to say it more than once? Why does my word mean nothing to the panelist? Why do they rather wish I was guilty and derive pleasure in crucifying me than to believe I am innocent? Why have they chosen to judge me because of the false testimonies of talebearers and false-accusers?” “I choose to say no more this day. If I was ever a noble servant shouldn’t my word mean something to this king? But I guess there’s so much evil in the kingdom and evil is much more believable than truth and integrity. Silence is powerful. The one who chooses to keep silent is even more powerful. It is a state of mind that sees himself bigger than the present situation and would always win. Silence must never be taken for weakness or evidence of guilt when dealing with a loved one. Learn to approach situations with enquiry rather than accusation.

Kunle

JOY, HAPPINESS and TRUE LOVE are the fuel and catalyst for success, advancement, good health and a good life. Plants, animal and the elements thrive and flourish on these.....we are no less.

Grace chanai

Thanks so much for this powerful message, I will say your courage moving on in life is super.Great that you are using what you have gone through to motivate other women .No man should be in charge of our happiness.

Cynthia Iyede

I'm so inspired. It is well. God bless you

Ehi

I have always loved you because I saw the sweet character of Jesus displayed in you. Now, I love you more Pastor Anita. You are and have been a true "Woman of God"

Ebuka

You are indeed a great woman.I thank God for the courage and wisdom he gave you to conquer the way u did.Its soothing and rewarding pastor.May the peace and grace of our heavenly father continue to pave awesome and paradisiac ways for you amongst humankind.You are our generations rare gem.

steve

Pastor Anita You make me understand that any decision we take that doesn't stop us from serving God is a good one. The blood still flows in you, thank you.

samuel

Yes indeed joy is a power house and thank you for inspiring many people. I ve often wondered when one covers up the abuser for so long so that observers won't fall apart especially those whose had seen the couples as role models. What if the decision to uncover up is at the detriment of many observers who might likely begin to feel down because they now think all that they have heard all this year's was masking which means the gospel brought to them is fake and then their salvation is affected. I saI'd these because people love you and they ve begin to wonder she's a woman of God but if she knew her abuser wasn't real how come she allowed many be decieved? But I believe there's a time for everything and now is your time

Ehi Oyabure

Pastor, thank you for the inspiring words on this platform. You have always taught us God's Word with TRUTH, LIGHT, LOVE and ENTERNITY in mind. We pray God continues to use you to bless and administer grace to many in the world. When you speak, your words are wise, and you give instructions with kindness. There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all. We pray that God continually endows you with strength and dignity; and you laugh without fear of the future. Oh Lord, please reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. Thanks for being a blessing to your world!

councel

Its better to follow Gods way even though the part is narrow, full of persercutions and trials; than that which most people of the world are choosing to follow for convinience.God bless you.

True joy is independent of the circumstances and trials Life throws our way, wether positive or negative. The bible says ' count it all joy when you go through diverse test and trials' because we have a God confirmation that these things are only for a while( they will never last forever) and at the end, we will come out with a most assured victory and testimony. We therefore, keep enduring hardness as good soldiers of christ and at the same time continue to keep our joy flowing. God bless you.

Chy.O

Thank you..PA for this blog.Thank you for reaching out, bringing healing to many of us who experienced abuse in one form or the other. It is heart wrenching to see the amount of abuse that goes on in our society, moreso in the church,which ought to be a place of healing and peace for many.God indeed knows those who are truly His!

Ayo

Thanks Pastor Anita. This was like reading my own story. God be with you and may your life burst forth into the greatest joy in Jesus Name. I cover you with the protecting Blood of The Lamb.

Audrey

Jesus came to set up free so that we will not live a life of bondage neither abuse. He gave us joy because it is a strength. But when we feel vulnerable or weak and look up to man rather than God for comfort, when we lift someone higher than he should be and let ourselves impressed by their charisma and let them have the last word over our lives, we have put ourselves back in bondage. When they notice and use of it it has become abuse. Jesus is the only Lord and gives us joy, he said his burden is light. Someone or something else's lordship over our lives is bondage and cannot give joy.

Nicki

Yep, this post seem to describing some of my situation. He seem not to like seeing me happy & criticise the things I do that gives me joy. I've constantly refused to give in to the manipulation, however I'm tired of the bickering & have lost interest in making the relationship work. Still divorce or walking away from an abusive relationship is not easy when the 2 are living together in western countries. Financial abuse is abuse.

Liberated One

Sooo true

Many of us have suffered same. The day Rhema jumps out at you and you begin to see things differently by the spirit of God, that is when your deliverance begins. I was in the same boat for 17 years enduring the abuse and not wanting to be stigmatized nor bring shame to my family, but tell you what, we have only one life to live and God wants us to live not in fear or timidity but full of joy and a sound mind. So it's up to us to rise up and resist oppression, depression, rejection and all manner of abuse. May our inner eyes be opened to truly understand the Word of God, shun dogmatism and legalism but truly LIVE a life of JOY that glorifies God.

Esther Kiobel

Thanks Pastor Anita. God bless and Keep you Safe. The LORD is your strength

JYM, Nigeria.

Dear Pastor,I am so grateful to God for this platform. I searched for you on several social media...I just wanted to get in touch and know how you are doing(this is an answered prayer). I am so glad you are fulfilling your purpose . Pastor I have observed you from a distance over the years -you are so different! I remember one time you ministered.....After the meeting, I went up close to the stage to say hello as I approached you, you opened your arms wide and I revieced a bear hug. That meant more than a hug to me . I was blessed ....you are a woman of God so full of the love and compassion of Christ. I love you

Valentine Ugbeide

If you recall, the tool you used for sowing is not what you use for reaping. Joy is a major tool to reap, Joy brings success....my greetings and love to PA

$mart

All i can say is ''i love you Pastor''. Let your light continue to shine that all .......... Matt 5:16. You are simply the BEST!

sally

Kudos and God bless u Kenny. It takes a lot to walk away from all of those. I am happy for you. I identify with the struggles cos ive been there myself. Loving myself & discovering God's unwavering love for me has been the best thing ever. God bless u for sharing

belovedwan

The story of my life. It's as though somrone told you, dear Pastor, the story of my life!

Favour Uzoma

Dear woman of God, greetings to you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ Amen. Pastor my family and I loves you. Keep shinning for the Lord. The Lord will strengthen hold onto him. He will never leaves you nor forsake you. You are God's best.

Chinenye

I love you Pastor now and always. I know if you could walk away its because you did all you could to make things work. Thank you for choosing this medium to help others. Keep radiating Gods love.

Nicki- I am very sorry that you are going through a hard time in your marriage but divorce should not be an option. Spend time building a relationship with Jesus through prayer and studying your bible. Love yourself and also reach out with acts of love to others. Pray for your husband to know Jesus intimately while you focus on being happy in Christ irrespective of him. If your health (physical or mental) is at risk, then a period of separation is expedient. However, the only bible grounds for divorce is adultery.

i agree totally

The Joy of the Lord is Strength; The more joy you express, the more of God's strength is released....Hallelujah

victor

Pastor Anita,God bless you.For the opportunity to stumble on your blog. You brought God's message in a simple practical way devoid of complexities. This piece made my day!!!

Samuel

I respect your courage. I have no idea of the magnitude of what you went through and why you put up with it for so long. However, I think that arrogance and pride feature prominently in this matter. A simple ''I am sorry" may have stemmed this tide but. . . . God wants us to look to Him and not a man, even if this man (is) of God. Stay blessed.

stan

God bless you for that ma. It has spoken strength to me and my situation. I'm uplifted

Thank you for all the blogs dear ma....And for all the comments from the contributors so far. NOW IT'S TIME TO PRAY, ESPECIALLY PRAYING IN TONGUES...... There is nothing impossible for our God to do: the healing, forgetting the abusive time, forgiveness, and restoration of the relationship and that of many other families. That's all I've being trusting God for since the beginning of all these issues. God bless you all as we continue to pray. Luke 18:1, Ephesians 6:18, 1 Thessalonians 5:17. SO LET US PRAY...

Chi

Thank you pastor Anita for reaching out to us via this platform. It is really reassuring to know you are well and in good spirit. The best of you is yet to come. It will only get better and sweeter as the years roll by. I too have been there and my life is a continous sream of testimonies and fulfillment. Yes I totally agree with your views particularly the fact that so many people look unto mortal man for their joy and self worth. It is time we turn back to God and put Him in his rightful position in our lives. Nothing and, dare I say, NOBODY should take God's place or His glory in our lives. I love you and miss you pastor and l will continue to pray for you to reinstate your ministry beyond this platform because you have been called into ministry. (Please do not loose sight of that). You are too loaded to be religated to blogging only and a lot uf us cannot wait to receive the undiluted, uncommercialized and unadulterated living word of God.

geryy

Hi Pastor Anita., If this was your marital experience indeed, then its sad,I remember my elder sister went through the same thing and today she's free and happy as single hmmm!! this is really serious if true!!God have mercy

Annie

wow...all i can summon right now is wow. ''You are hoping for a change and praying one day the abuse will stop or one day the women will get married or the men will get married'' that sentence was cryptic and i dare say an innocent give away. ''In the process of hoping, your abuser is having fun and experiencing pleasure at your expense'' my heart ached at this point. No one should ever have to go through this...''It is sad to know your abuser takes pleasure in your pain and suffering, watching your joy fade away slowly is unimaginable especially from the one you loved and trusted with all your heart'' therein lies the definition of pain...to confront abuse when your abuser had all your love and trust. ''observing my abuser, he would smile when am feeling down and laugh when I cried. It was his way of feeling powerful, claiming he is Lord''...i imagine you would question yourself those times he belittled your cries and feelings..am i being overdramatic?...your bravery is admirable i must confess. I hope to God we cross paths because I want to witness this incredible strength and calm you exude. I get the feeling we just might meet someday.

Carol

Keep smiling because every word penned is making something beautiful out of your life. God makes every situation beautiful in his time - what was meant for evil as turned out to be the platform for your rising. Joseph was catapulted from prison to palace in one day. Now you can laugh and be full of joy your openness is producing strength and life in many broken hearts.

A JOYFUL WAY

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